It seems that our nation has this one figured out pretty well already, but just in case you’ve missed it, here are nine ways to ruin your kids:
- Always expect the worst from your kids. You’ll eventually find out you’re right.
- Give them everything they want. If you’re consistent with this, you’ll trick your children into thinking that the stuff of this world can buy their happiness.
- Don’t discipline your kids. I’m not just talking about spanking here; I’m talking about time out, grounding, and all other forms of discipline.
- Be very cautious about praising your children. You don’t want them to become proud or feel special about themselves. Slowly erode their confidence.
- Show your kids through your words and actions that they are an inconvenience to your life. Dwell on the ways that your life would be different – even better – without them.
- Use guilt and shame to motivate your children to do what you want them to do.
- If you have more than one child, let the kids treat each other with rudeness and disrespect.
- Place the responsibility of socializing your kids on either a) the school system, or b) television. Don’t consider this a personal responsibility.
- Place the responsibility of their spiritual development on either a) the church, or b) let them figure this out on their own. If you’re going to wreck your kids, it’s critical that you not take responsibility here.
Just in case you missed the related posts:
The last post was a little heavy, so I thought I’d write this one with a little less seriousness.
Looking for some great opportunities to wreck you job? Here’s a list of six things that will shake things up in the workplace:
- Bring a machete to work, and keep it on your desk.
- Get some bright pink sunglasses, and never take them off.
- Always refer to yourself in third person, and insert “silly” before your name. (eg. “Can you meet about that proposal with silly Kyle today?”)
- Unless you have a uniform, wear the same thing to work every day.
- Remove all of the letter e’s from your emails and letters.
- Always bring your pets with you to work.
- Spend your lunch breaks under your desk.
- Send out a daily photo of yourself to the rest of the staff. (Childhood photos should work fine.)
- Pretend like you have an imaginary friend who lives in your desk drawer.
Maybe your spiritual life is going a little too well lately and you’re looking for a way to bring things down a notch or two. Just follow these steps to see your spiritual life quickly erode into a mess:
- Do what you feel like doing. Avoid difficult things. Do what comes naturally.
- Consume vast amounts of media. Watch and listen to whatever you want.
- Harbor resentment, especially towards your family. In your free time, think about the ways they’ve let you down.
- Worry about your stuff. Hoard it all.
- Don’t read the Bible or pray.
- Don’t trust God. Live in fear and worry. Live your life as though Jesus never lived, died, and rose again for you.
Any other steps to recommend?
Our culture today has rejected the “plastic” feel that characterized certain elements of the past few decades. Instead of being content with artificial, the culture now upholds and seeks out the values of transparency and authenticity. This shift is beneficial for the work of Christ. They make a rich soil for the communication and application of the gospel. They give people a safe place to come clean with their sins, fears, and insecurities to find accountability and encouragement from others.
The bad thing is, many people are selling out for a cheap imitation of transparency and authenticity. Rather than creating fertile ground, we’re tempted to hide our insecurity under a top soil of sarcasm. It can be fun and lighthearted when used sparingly (I love to smile and laugh), but it can be a cheap cover up too. Rather than encouraging and building one another up in love, we can spend our time trying to keep people laughing.
Given time, sarcasm will erode our communication and leave us with interactions that are even more plastic than in generations past.
This is a great opportunity for the church to shine brightly in our world today. Rather than a new kind of fake, may we demonstrate transparency with humility and encouragement.